The Swiss Sightseeing Medical Association

To be clear; I have no idea what the Swiss Sightseeing Medical Association is. I was recently however the spokesman (or something like that) for the company.

It is apparently quite common for Chinese companies to hire foreigners to basically pose as a company member or representative. This supposedly gives the company the illusion of being more international or mainstream. Such an occasion recently happened to me.

I first went into an interview, to see if I was foreign (white, old, gullible) enough to do the job. They had a dress code for me. Suit and Asian looking dress shoes. I have neither. They said they would somehow give me the stuff and that they had a script for me. I was not to read the script, but memorize the content and give it in my own words. They were going to give me the script the next day so that I would have time to prepare.

I didn't actually receive the script until I was in the taxi on the way to the event. The script was in Chinese. Once I was actually in the hotel where they had the event, I got an English version. I had to spend the time I was in the hotel trying to translate it into English that didn't make me laugh.

It seemed to be a big event. They had a lot of models there and dancing performances and such. It seems that almost all the people in attendance were very wealthy women in their 30s-50s. Everyone was dressed up real fancy like. Gathering from the script they gave me, the company sold medical equipment or something of the sort.

Eventually they told me it was my turn to speak... I really had no idea what I was supposed to do, but I got on the stage and they all applauded and handed me a nice bouquet of flowers (which I was sadly not able to keep). After they introduced me, I gave my speech in English and had someone to the side translate in Chinese.

The stage where I gave the speech.

After I gave my speech, I thought I was done, but they kept me on for a while. Eventually, they had me hand out a bunch of certificates and shake a bunch of hands and pose for the camera. Unfortunately, I don't have any of those pictures. But I am sure they are filled with cheesy goodness.

Me with everyone who received an award.

Too bad I didn't get to keep the suit.